Take Me To Post Comment Form If you were suddenly transported to Imaginary Land and were transformed into a cartoon super hero, who would be the first cartoon villain that you would choose to go up against? What sort of tactics would you use?

I would visit The Smurfs and take care of the Gargamel situation.

He is a crotchety old man who lives alone with a cat that he doesn't treat very well and takes out all of his frustrations and low self-worth issues on those smaller than him. He is constantly trying to capture and kill the Smurfs to add to a recipe to make gold. I would make him realize that life itself and the way that you live it, is more valuable than monetary wealth.

I would use the help of the television show "What Not to Wear" to force him into a makeover and then I would encourage him to start using internet matchmaker sites to try to find a compassionate girlfriend – possibly a woman slightly older than himself since it is apparent that he has some mommy issues.

I would remove his cat, Azrael, from his home and place him into foster care until Gargamel could present me with a signed letter from his therapist stating that he is emotionally prepared to properly care for another creature.

Gargamel would have to attend regular support groups for his low self-esteem. He would also have to spend time helping the Smurfs with regular chores so that he could be accustomed to the idea that they are sentient beings and not disposable objects. In time, I believe that he would come to enjoy their company and it would help transform him into a better person – even his sorcery would improve if he just had a little belief in himself.

This would all be very easy for me to achieve. Gargamel is submissive to other adult humans and does not know how to defend himself against them. I also believe that although he would pretend to reject my efforts, he would actually be grateful for the help because he has always simply been too stubborn and too self-conscious to seek out help on his own, but he does realize that he needs it.

After Gargamel, Azrael and the Smurfs are safe and secure, I would then turn my attention to the evil Elmira of Tiny Toons. I would give her a big lesson in the humane treatment of animals. Elmer Fudd and I would also go a couple of rounds after I first present the Hamburglar with powerful media on the reasons for going vegan…



"Villain"

Love lingers between the lines
Of long forgotten fairy tales
Wandering wooded paths for signs
In search of elusive breadcrumb trails

But sometimes all you find
Is that the big bad wolf
Stares back from your own eyes
And you've been running from
The wrong villain this whole time

You'll huff and you'll puff
And watch your world fall down
Trying to stay tough
Always disappointed with what you've found

You wait for that kiss to wake you
Something true to break the curse
But it seems all good has forsaken you
And things keep getting worse

You can't afford the toll anymore
You don't know how to cross that bridge
You wonder if the end is really worth the war
If you'll end up better than you've been

The tower's too tall now
No hero is going to climb to your rescue
You stare out that window and wonder how
Anyone ever managed to overpower you

You can slay all those dragons
One by one avoiding the burn
But that fighting never seems to end
And it leaves your spirit feeling worn

In the end you find
That your closest companion
Is the villain you keep inside
Happy endings all illusions
Fairy tales aren't life

©Erin Ní Nualláin