Want To Have The (Absolute) Last Word……
"I Don't Mind A Parasite. I Object To A Cut-Rate One."
Last comment by sebekm 2 months, 1 week ago.

Take Me To Post Comment Form

…and have some fun with it? Write your own obituary and make it humorous and self-deprecating. That’s what Kevin McGroarty did. He wrote it when he knew the end was near, and all the newspaper had to do was fill in the date. Here it is:

“Obituary

Kevin J. McGroarty

WEST PITTSTON — McGroarty Achieves Room Temperature!

Kevin J. McGroarty, 53, of West Pittston, died Tuesday, July 22, 2014, after battling a long fight with mediocracy.

Born 1960 in the Nesbitt Hospital, he was the bouncing baby boy of the late Lt. Col. Edward M. McGroarty and Helen Jane (Hudson) McGroarty, whom the New York Times should have noted as extraordinary parents.

He was baptized at St. Cecilia Church, Exeter, which later burned to the ground, attended Butler Street Elementary, which was later torn down, and middle school at 6th Street in Wyoming, now an apartment building.

He enjoyed elaborate practical jokes, over-tipping in restaurants, sushi and Marx Brother's movies. He led a crusade to promote area midget wrestling, and in his youth was noted for his many unsanctioned daredevil stunts.

He was preceded in death by brother, Airborne Ranger Lt. Michael F. McGroarty, and many beloved pets, Chainsaw, an English Mastiff in Spring 2009, Baron, an Irish Setter in August 1982, Peter Max, a turtle, Summer 1968; along with numerous house flies and bees, but they were only acquaintances.

McGroarty leaves behind no children (that he knows of), but if he did their names would be son, "Almighty Thor" McGroarty; and daughter, "Butter Cup Patchouli."

McGroarty was a veteran of the advertising industry since 1983. McGroarty was a pioneer in Apple computing, purchasing one of the first in the Wyoming Valley in 1985. He would like to remind his friends: "Please, don't email me, I'm dead."

McGroraty was a founding partner of Pyramid Advertising, and finally principal owner of award-winning Rhino Media until 2006. He was also an adjunct instructor at Luzerne County Community College, from 2005-2009.

He will be laid to rest at Mount Olivet Cemetery, section 7N. He asks to please make note of his new address. McGroarty's headstone reads: "I'll Be Right Back," one of his favorite sayings. He leaves this world with few regrets, one being told in grade school, his adult life would see the Hershey candy bar rise in cost to over a dollar. He maintained given the resources and initiative, he would rally the good citizens of the Commonwealth to a revolution that would force that price to its original 35-cent market value, a dream he was not able to fulfill, by his own admission the reason: "I was distracted by many beautiful women."

In lieu of flowers, friends are asked to please give generously to the Pennsylvania State Police Troop "P" Camp Cadet Fund.

A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at 10 a.m. Monday in St. Cecilia Church of St. Barbara Parish, 1700 Wyoming Ave., Exeter, following a brief rant of how the government screwed up all of the Bugs Bunny cartoons trying to censor violence. This will be presented by his attorney, Bret Zankel, Esq. Friends may call from 9 to 10 a.m. Monday in the church.

McGroarty leaves behind a thought for all to ponder, given years of gathering wisdom from different religions and deep study of the Greek philosophers: "It costs nothing to be nice" and "Never stick a steak knife in an electrical outlet."

Arrangements by the Metcalfe-Shaver-Kopcza Funeral Home Inc., 504 Wyoming Ave., Wyoming.”

See: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesleader/obituary.aspx?n=kevin-j-mcgroarty&pid=171858898&fhid=4786


Latest Activity: Aug 06, 2014 at 5:35 PM


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JimmyMack commented on Thursday, Aug 07, 2014 at 07:16 AM

Yeah I like it. Cannot say I haven't considered this myself. Being the Black sheep of my clan, writing my own obit seems the way to go for me.

Other than that I have thought of just keeping it short and simple: He lived, He loved, He died. His main accomplishment in life was being an unindicted co-conspirator. RIP JD 1949 to...

sebekm commented on Wednesday, Aug 13, 2014 at 13:23 PM

Speaking of obits - notable celebrities seem to be dropping like flies this past week. First Robin Williams, then Lauren Bacall and Arlene Martel (T'Pring from "Amok Time" in the original Star Trek series). I find it just incredible that Robin Williams decided to do himself in. Just goes to show you that you never really know.....

JimmyMack commented on Thursday, Aug 14, 2014 at 07:25 AM

I was shocked also about Robin Williams killing himself. He made so many people happy but could not make himself happy!
Richard Jenni, another comic, did himself in also. I just don't know. Clinical Depression seems to be a dark bottomless pit that is capable of devouring one's soul. Imagine the pain of seeing no way of ridding yourself of this demon other than to kill yourself!

It is terribly frightening and so very sad.

sebekm commented on Tuesday, Aug 19, 2014 at 12:09 PM

I saw a report which said Williams was suffering the onset of Parkinson's disease. I can understand how someone who has relied his entire life on being quicker - mentally and physically - than everyone else would see this as a devastating diminishment of his physical attributes. And with all of the idiots on today's social media, he would certainly have been subject to the hateful and hurtful comments as the disease progressed if he remained in the public eye. It appears he decided to take the "easy way out."

Very sad, indeed.


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